Alexander Lewis
Click here for the full transcript.
Born in Moscow, New Brunswick resident Alexander Lewis has lived paycheck to paycheck and experienced homelessness. He works in journalism and is hoping to go back to college.
ANNOTATIONS
Transportation - Transportation is critical to New Jersey's residents and its economy. The state's public transit infrastructure was ignored and improperly supported for years. Recently, greater investments are being made to improve affordability, quality and reliability.
Context Link 1: “Governor Murphy Highlights Investments and Progress for NJ TRANSIT,” State of New Jersey Office of the Governor, June 27, 2019.
Context Link 2: “More Riders, Less Investment: A Blueprint for Failure on Public Transit in New Jersey,” New Jersey Policy Perspective, March 4, 2016.
Economic Security - Emerging research is cementing the fact that good paying jobs improve health outcomes for people. Conversely, poor paying jobs exacerbate health concerns. As such, when people are unable to provide for themselves and their families—when they are not paid enough to survive—it can have negative impacts on their personal health and overall well-being. High levels of economic insecurity therefore damage overall public health.
Context Link 1: Melissa Blair, “Policy Changes Needed in 13 Areas to Help Close N.J.’s Health Gaps,” Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, April 17, 2019.
Minimum Wage - Millions of New Jerseyans have been unable to properly afford their expenses and obligations due to low pay and wage deflation. Recently, in early 2019, the state signed into law legislation that will increase the minimum wage for most workers by 2024 and for all workers (except for tipped workers) by 2029. This will help over a million workers by boosting their pay, and have an indirect benefit on hundreds of thousands more further up the income scale as businesses reform their compensation policies and the economy grows. This increase is projected to allow for more residents to have the ability to fully participate and afford critical purchases.
Transcript 1: “I-I-I broke even. I lived paycheck to paycheck. There wasn’t, there was nothing to save or anything.”
Context Link 2: Brandon McKoy, “New Jersey’s $15 Minimum Wage Proposal,” New Jersey Policy Perspective, January 24, 2019.
Health Care -New Jersey has taken serious steps to protect the gains made under the Affordable Care Act to keep health insurance costs low. This helps ensure that more residents have health coverage so that they are covered for serious health issues.
Context Link 2: “Marketplace Average Benchmark Premiums,” Kaiser Family Foundation (blog), December 10, 2020.
Minimum Wage & Tipped Wage - New Jersey recently enacted legislation to increase the minimum wage to $15 by 2024 for most workers, but the tipped wage—which applies to workers in tipped industries, including the restaurant industry—remains incredibly low. It is currently just $2.13 per hour and will only rise to a little over $5.00 by 2029. Tips are supposed to help make up the gap between the tipped wage and the minimum wage, but many workers are the victims of wage theft and have their tips withheld by their employers. New Jersey recently passed anti-wage theft legislation to combat this issue, but getting rid of the tipped wage entirely would be the best solution.
Context Link 1: Brandon McKoy, “New Jersey’s $15 Minimum Wage Proposal,” New Jersey Policy Perspective, January 24, 2019.
Context Link 2: Colleen O’Dea, “Capping Seven-Year Battle, ‘Wage-Theft’ Law Is Signed By Lt. Governor,” NJ Spotlight News, August 7, 2019.
Context Link 3: “Better Wages, Better Tips: Restaurants Flourish with One Fair Wage” (Restaurant Opportunities Centers United, February 13, 2018).
Homelessness - New Jersey has a supportive housing program that seeks to help disconnected residents, particularly those who are homeless and/or have mental health challenges, by providing them with a safe and reliable home to live in while they access services to rise out of poverty. The program began in Middlesex County and is expanding to the entire state.
Context Link 1: “Housing,” State of New Jersey Department of Human Services: Division of Mental Health and Addiction Services, accessed May 30, 2021.
Homelessness -In 2018, homelessness rose in New Jersey. The high cost of housing is partly responsible for the epidemic, as is the lack of proper wages for work.
Context Link: Jonathan D. Salant, “Homelessness Rises in N.J. More than Most Other State,” nj.com, December 17, 2018.
Code Blue - New Jersey has what is called a "Code Blue" law, that ensures cold weather shelters for those experiencing houselessness during inclement weather (i.e. when the temperature drops below 32 degrees). Counties are responsible for running these programs, and some are more robust than others. Putting more funding towards this program would ensure a larger number of beds are available for all who need them.
Transcript 2: “…since it was wintertime the one thing I look for is som-some place that wasn’t freezing…”
Context Link: “Code Blue: New Jersey Emergency Cold Weather Shelters,” Legal Services of New Jersey Law Website, accessed May 30, 2021.
Flexible Work Scheduling - Enabling employees to have flexible work schedules has several significant benefits ranging from increased productivity, decreased absenteeism, decreased costs, and a healthier and happier workforce. This is especially important as workers have difficulty dealing with daily demands and meeting personal needs, including those of family members. Flexible scheduling can help ensure that workers take care of themselves and their families without being punished for doing so through the loss of wages or work hours.
Context Link 1: Jessica Howington, “How Flexible Work Benefits Companies and Employees,” FlexJobs Employer Blog, August 20, 2020.
Context Link 2: Militza Pagán, “Low-Wage Workers Deserve Human Rights, Too,” Shriver Center on Poverty Law, December 14, 2017.
Retirement Savings -As people reach retirement age, many do not have sufficient savings to actually retire. Recently, New Jersey implemented a law requiring businesses to offer retirement savings programs, which will help mitigate this problem and help ensure workers are building savings for their retirement years. The federal government also passed the SECURE Act, that expands savings opportunities for workers.
Context Link 1: Shoshannah Buxbaum, “New Law Will Require Businesses to Offer Retirement Savings Program,” NJ Spotlight News, March 28, 2019.
Context Link 3: Jackie Stewart, “SECURE Act 2.0: 10 Ways the Proposed Law Could Change Retirement Savings,” Kiplinger, May 19, 2021.
College Affordability - The cost of college has made it increasingly prohibitive for many New Jerseyans and their families to attend a higher education institution. Depending on their income, they may have been able to qualify for free college tuition to attend one of the state's community colleges. In 2018, the state implemented a free community college tuition program for students who come from families with $45,000 in annual income or less. The free tuition helps cover costs after all grants and aid are exhausted. While some may not see community college as a first option, it can serve as a great opportunity to secure an associate's degree and it can also be a stepping stone to a four-year institution.
Affordable Housing - New Jersey's housing market is one of the more expensive markets in the country. For people who work low-wage jobs, finding a place to rent that they can afford, and that is near public transportation, is very difficult. There are increasing efforts to build more affordable housing units near public transportation. This is known as transit-oriented development.
Context Link 1: “Out Of Reach,” National Low Income Housing Coalition, 2020.
Context Link 3: Tracy Jan, “A Minimum-Wage Worker Can’t Afford a 2-Bedroom Apartment Anywhere in the U.S.,” Washington Post, June 13, 2018.
TRANSCRIPT
Interview conducted by Hank Kalet
Interview conducted in 2018
Transcription by Kether Tomkins
00:00:00
So, um, you know what this project’s about, so we’ll start with - state your name.
Sure. Alexander Lewis, L-E-W-I-S.
Uh, you’re from?
Moscow, Russia. Well, Russia in general.
Russia in general. And you live now in?
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Okay. And you are how old?
Thirty-two [laughs].
You’re thirty-two. Okay. So let-let’s talk about, um, let’s-- let’s go over your timeline. Your story. You know, from when you came here uh and then we can kind of get into the specifics of the economic situation.
00:01:01
Sure. Well I originally came here when I was about thirteen. It was uh, mostly because in Russia, there was the draft. So when you’re eighteen, you go in the army. And I was little lanky tiny little kid so my mom, you know, did her best or whatever she could to get me out of there. So she got married to get me out of the country, so we moved when I was about thirteen and lived-- I lived with my first stepdad in Maryland for a while. So that was when I was in-- in middle school.
That was when?
Uh-- ninety-nine. Nineteen-ninety-nine.
Ninety-nine.
In, uh, January.
Okay. How long were you in Maryland?
Uh, I went through, uh, half of seventh grade, eighth grade. And I, uh, graduated high school in Maryland.
Ok, so you were there for a number of years.
Mm-hmm
Okay.
Five and a half.
Okay. So what happened after high school?
Uh, my mom and my newer stepdad [laughs] she got remarried-- um, they were both working together so there-- they-- they, at the time, well, my mom still works there. They worked for the American Association of University Professors.
00:02:02
So they got a job offer after I graduated high school to come up to, um, and work for the Rutgers version of that. So, they got the job offer so after I graduated we moved to New Jersey.
And then was it - what, um, this probably fits close to when --
Mm-hmm.
The tale you want to tell is actually…
Yeah, it’s not too far off from that [laughs uncomfortably].
Okay. So, then once you were up here. You went to high school in Maryland so what was the, what was your anticipated next step?
Well, next step, I started going to school at Middlesex. I kinda wanted to take a year off but my parents were like, “No, no, you have to go to school” and all that. So, uh, I got into some unsavory things and got way too distracted with girls and friends and completely flunked out first and then the second semester [sighs].
Wow.
Yeah, that did, that did not go over well with my parents [laughs].
Okay.
Uh, I mean, I think partially it was because I, uh, you know, I lived a very sheltered up-- upbringing, so, like, just bein’ able to, y’know, be out on my own and have friends and, y’know, meet actual girls and all that, it just kinda took everything over. But at the same time I was-- I didn’t have, y’know, my ADHD was undiagnosed, so [laughs], I think that played a large part of it.
Okay. So, you know, focus was difficult.
Yeah, cause the on-- the only reason I did, y’know, pretty well in high school was because my mom would always help me and like, sit down with me and, y’know, help me concentrate and actually do my homework. And when she, y’know, wasn’t around - which was in my junior year - ‘cause she was going through a divorce with my first stepdad, that’s when I, uh, y’know, almost [laughs] failed a couple classes. Got a couple Bs, Cs, and Ds. And that was definitely my worst year. And, you know, your junior year is the most important in high school to figure out which college you’re gonna go to, so.. [takes deep breath] that did not set me up for, uh, success. So, uh, um, I was kind of fighting with my, uh, stepdad - the second stepdad after she got remarried who had some anger issues - so, I was fighting with him a lot, i think like, maybe once or twice it got physical. So, at that point after I, y’know, failed the second semester
00:04:10
with only one class, I just, I decided to, y’know, move out, and I went to live with some friends.
Well how would y-- how would you describe, um, socioeconomically, how would you describe, um, those first few years?
Living on my own?
No, when you were still with your parents.
Um.
Middle class or...?
I-- I guess, I guess, like, middle, upper-middle class. ‘Cause my parents g-made a good amount of money ‘cause there were two of them. But, y’know, later my mom divorce, so it kinda, took out half the income there. So, I guess we were, we were kinda well-off. She told me later that the reason she was really pushing me to, uh, go to school was because my stepdad was gonna help pay for it and that was mainly why, ‘cause she was-she wasn’t really that happy, she just kinda stayed with him for financial stability. Y’know, so I would have a better chance and be able to pay for school. She never actually told me that ‘til way later [laughs].
00:05:00
[Laughs].
[Laughs] I think last year. Um, but, that was the main reason, was just so, y’know, I could afford to go to school, ‘cause both my parents, y’know, even if she was on my own I think, since I was younger, I, y’know, I was technically her dependent and she would make too much money for me to be able to, y’know, get any sort of financial aid whatsoever.
Okay.
So it was, y’know, you know, it was her staying with my step-dad so I could go to school.
And that, um, so you, you know, you were-- that’s that kind of traditional, suburban..
Mm-hmm.
Y’know, affluent, well, almost affluent--
Almost, yeah.
Um, so, y’know, There-- in terms of the economic things that you might face later, none of that, I guess, y’know, there was no question of food, no question of rent or anything like that at that point, right?
Yeah
Y’know, do you remember your mom and your stepdad ever struggling with any of that stuff, or--?
Nah, not really.
There’s, there-- for you then, now how would you view that? I mean, had you even thought of that stuff?
00:06:05
Nah, I probably wouldn’t have really thought of it. Um, like, finances and things like that-- my mom didn’t really, like, talk to me about that. So I don’t really know much else, I just knew, they, y’know, when we lived with my first stepdad, y’know, I didn’t wear the, uh, nicest clothes, cause we, uh, we did need to be a little bit more frugal. I mean, we, we still had a gigantic house, but, like, I did not wear stylish clothes I’ll tell ya that much [laughs]. It was whatever was on sale at, y’know, Hecks or Kohls or whatever it was. On the clearance rack, pretty much [laughs]. But, um, my mom’s-- ‘cause, we grew up poor when we were in Russia, so my mom’s always, like, frugal with everything. So she kinda, she likes to, y’know, save money on literally everything and, y’know, turn every light off. Y’know, don’t run the water for too long-- everything like that. Y’know, she’d like, buy expensive things but only ‘cause they last longer than buying a bunch of the cheaper things, y’know, that kinda frugal [laughs]. Which makes sense, y’know.
00:07:05
Were-- were there language issues? Did you experience any of that, or...?
Oh, of course. Um, what are those, uh, what are those-- the different phrases? Uh, I’m tryna remember.
That you’re…?
Um, like the phrases of speech. There’s a specific name for them that I’m forgetting right now.
Like, dynamics is what you’re talking about?
Like that, yeah, like saying, “What’s up?” For the longest time I answered with, “the ceiling.”
[Laughs].
I had no idea what that was and people would ask me about a mountain bike and I’m like, in my head I’m like, is it a fucking bike that you ride on mountains? Like, I didn’t know there was, y’know, different types of bicycles. I was like, there’s y’know, it’s got wheels and it turns. That’s-- that’s a bike, right? [laughs] So there were-- there were several things. Uh, I mean, my-- my first, middle, and last name was changed when I came here. So, that was, uh, that was a bit difficult. Well-- it’s, uh, the name change didn’t go through til my second day in school, or even my first day, so the teacher managed to call my name by my old Russian name before somebody was like, “Oh, here’s a paper. This is his new name.” And that was enough time for all the middle schoolers to make a funny nickname for me [laughs].
00:08:15
[Laughs].
I was like, wow, just fifteen seconds is all that took. [laughs]
They’re cruel at that age.
Oh, it’s awful!
[Laughs].
A couple of my friends were-- were telling me and the girl I’m talking to was telling me, um, y’know, same thing. It’s like, different ways people would twist their, like first or last names and I’m like, “Hmm. People didn’t really mature, huh?” [laughs] I was like, “Nope, middle schoolers are just as terrible as they always were.”
Well when-when-when did you get comfortable with, one-- with your new name? And two with--
Well-- well, my new name wasn’t too bad. It was mostly ‘cause, uh, my first name was what I was baptized as and there’s just nobody’s ever really called me that. ‘Cause we were never like, super really religious or anything. So it was, y’know, it was pretty close to it. It took me a little bit. And I mean, I-- I lost my accent within I would say, like, a year? Year and a half or so. So, y’know, eventually y’know, it didn’t take too long.
You were able to start to fit in a little bit more.
Yeah. I mean, math was-- oh god, that was awful.
Math?
Yeah, ‘cause, I mean, you have to relearn every-- every, y’know, every single thing that’s in math. Every word is different-- it’s in a different language. So, like, that and science were, like.. It’s one thing to know how to speak English, it’s another thing to know how to, y’know, do school work in English. So, it was quite different. I was very upset. I-- I got-- I think I got like a C or a D in Biology and I like, almost cried. I was like… ‘Cause I tried my best but, but reading that Biology textbook was-- or seventh grade, even-- was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
00:09:47
I guess it got easi-- I mean, a little bit easier, right?
Yeah, yeah. It was just-- right when I first came there it was extremely difficult.
And so that was all, that was all in Maryland? Um, and then, um, so then you move up here-
Mm-hmm.
And how long after high school was that?
Uh, right after high school.
Right after high school.
So like, over the-- over the summer we moved.
So you’re now in a complete new area.
Oh yeah, I knew nobody.
Okay, and now you’re gonna be going off to college. Which is like, y’know -
Like most kids, yeah.
Like most. Um, but it’s-- it’s-- it’s a new experience for you.
Mm-hmm.
00:10:25
So talk a little bit more. You said that, y’know, you struggled with that and y’know, dropped out, um, give me a little bit more detail on that.
Uh, like which details? Like why I dropped out or...?
Yeah, well, ‘cause you said, y’know, you, you, um, y’know, you got into a little bit of trouble basically.
Yeah. I got-- I got very sidetracked with some, um, [clears throat]. Well, first I was having trouble fitting in ‘cause I really didn’t know anybody. So I kinda did some unhealthy things like cutting myself, you can still kinda see scars over here. Yeah, my parents kind of made me go to a psychiatrist [laughs uncomfortably]. Um, so, that was, I don’t know what I’m-- I guess I just had low self-esteem, kinda took it out on myself. Um, but I got some friends, and then um, eventually just having a social life outside of home just kinda, kinda stopped going to class. So I never really concentrated on school cause it didn’t really-- it didn’t really interest me that much. Like I didn’t see-- I didn’t see the real point. I didn’t really like any of my subjects, even English, really. I like-- I loved writing poetry, so I wrote a lot of poetry, like, just on my own. Y’know, not for class or anything. Uh, so my friends helped me through that, but at the same time, y’know, I started, y’know, experimenting with different substances the way people do in college, so that kinda started taking over my life, so that definitely is part of the reason why I didn’t go to class. I just didn’t really care about it.
And that was over the course of...?
Uh, fall and spring semester.
Fall and spring so it was -
Uh, ‘04 and ‘05.
Okay, so now, and so. So you had a year in, uh, college and what, you dropped out at the end of that year?
Yeah.
How many credits did you-- did you have at that point?
Well the first was, um, oh god. Wait - what grade you have to get to get a credit [laughs]?
00:12:13
C, probably.
So. Like, eight maybe? [laughs].
Okay.
Total.
[Coughs].
AL: For both semesters.
No, no, no, you’re kinda jumping ahead. I mean you’re back at Middlesex, those you don’t even get to keep anymore, right? Cause it’s too...?
Well, I took like three of the classes and I got, um, academic amnesty for the last one. ‘Cause I’m not really good at Math. I-I realize that now.
[Laughs].
I took precalculus at eight o’clock in the morning and it was, y’know, a whole different beast than precalculus in high school and I just… That-that wasn’t even because I was skipping class. Two weeks in, I was completely lost and I-I just-- I just gave up, cause I was like, I just don’t understand anything. I’m looking at a quiz, I’m like, “Oh, this looks like gibberish.” So that was just, I could not figure that out. At all. But uh, uh-- where was I going with that?
Uh, I was asking-- so, so the credits that you, y’know--
Yeah, I retook most of them except for Math, that one’s academic amnesty. And I took, um, I took statistics this time and got an A, so yay [laughs].
[Laughs].
Much easier to understanding [laughs]. I got an A in statistics in high school so I-- at least I know I’m good at this.
00:13:20
Well, okay, so you-- you dropped out.
Mm-hmm.
And this kinda puts you at-- this is a turning point, right?
Mm-hmm.
Then-- what happened?
Well, I moved in with my friends. Uh, let me, y’know, live in their basement in a make-shift room and I got a job, uh, waiting tables at Applebees.
Now, did you have to leave your house at that point? Is that what happened? Or you just decided to move out?
I just decided to move out. ‘Cause I just-- I was miserable living at home and just, school wasn’t really working out, so I was like, y’know what, I’m happy when I’m-I’m with my friends and, y’know, not super miserable or cutting myself when I’m with them, so that’s a little healthier to try to figure out what I really wanna do.
Was there fighting at home, or…?
Well, yeah. Yeah. That was mainly why.
So, um, so you saw that as kind of an escape I guess?
Yeah. Oh, definitely. I mean, it was that or do lots and lots of different substances that I used to escape, so... that wasn’t quite a healthy thing to do either.
And were you, were you paying rent to your friends?
Yeah.
How much was the rent at that time?
Um.. [exhales] um, three hundred bucks maybe? Four hundred bucks, maybe?
So, well below what the market would have been--
Oh yeah.
--if you were renting like, an apartment.
Yeah, I was definitely not on the lease, and was not supposed to be living in a basement [laughs].
00:14:31
Now, let’s see. You were working at Applebee’s, you were waiting?
Yeah, waiting tables.
Okay, and you were making tips, but how uh, how uh, how-- when did you do that? I mean--
Uh, I worked full-time pretty much.
Okay. And was that enough?
Yeah. It was enough. About-- about, um, three, four hundred bucks a week, so, I was able to, y’know, pay rent and then, uh, pay my friend for rides and waste a lot of money on video games and substances [laughs].
[Laughs].
Uh, my parents let me have, like, their old car, which after a very special evening, uh, got totaled [laughs uncomfortably]... Uh, I still feel bad for that car. I didn’t-- it wasn’t me that totaled it. But, the end result was it was completely totaled. Uh, but, even with y’know, even if I didn’t waste money on substances or video games, I-I was what [exhales] nineteen at the time? There was no way I would have been able to afford insurance on my car. And pay my rent. ‘Cause for somebody who was nineteen and male, it’s like-- it’s an insane amount of money. I counted, I looked at it, and I’m like, I’m kinda glad that I-- that my friend totaled the car because there’s no way I would have been able to keep it.
00:15:48
So you weren’t driving at that time, then--
Uh, I was driving it, ‘cause my parents still had it on the insurance for a couple months, but--
Oh, okay.
--that was when it was totaled, but I don’t think I would have-- I would not have been able to afford the insurance on it.
To take it on after?
No way. Gas, insurance, rent. I-I-- [laughs] there was no way.
Food, etcetera.
Food, cell phone. Crappy little phone, but-- it was impossible.
00:16:10
So you’re, you’re nineteen and this is, um, nineteen, yeah-- you’d think about the world differently than, say, now, right?
Yeah. That was, that was one of the wake up calls. When I realized that, wow, there is no freaking way I can afford this car. I was like how in hell, how the hell do people have cars when they’re this age and have a job? [Annotation #1]
And what, what, did that when you see, sort of-- what did that behavior look-- did that change anything at that point, or not yet?
Well, the fact that I totaled my car made it so I had to literally take public transportation everywhere and it did kinda limit, like, which shifts I could have at work. Y’know, I would either have to bum rides from somebody or stand at a bus stop at eleven o’clock at night in a shady ass area of Asbury Park. Uh [laughs uncomfortably] so that was not very fun [laughs].
00:17:00
So, where were you-- where were you living at the time?
Uh, I moved in with my friend, uh, he lived in a townhouse not too far from here in Edison.
Okay.
That was in, ‘04 right when I moved out. And then they left-- we moved, uh, down to Ocean Grove, which is, y’know, around Asbury Park, for the summer, and then I lived there ‘til I want to say the end of... the end of ‘05?
Okay.
Or at least ‘til like, the end of the summer. Yeah. ‘Til the end of the summer, definitely.
And where was the-- um, uh Applebee’s you were working at?
Uh, Ocean, uh, Ocean Grove.
00:17:35
Okay, so at least at that point you were closer.
Yeah.
But otherwise you were-- you had to get from Edison to Ocean Grove--
Oh, no no no, I worked at the Applebee’s that’s like right over here in Edison.
Oh, you changed-- you just changed--
Yeah, I changed from one Applebee’s to the other. They let me transfer.
Okay. But still, I mean, y’know, y’know, it isn’t like you could-- could walk down the street, I mean it was--
No, I had to-- to take the bus and everything. Yeah. And then after, after a while I, uh, uh, kinda quit Applebee’s and went to work at the Chili’s that was down there at, uh, Monmouth whatever-- the, the big, big Monmouth Mall that’s down there.
Okay, so you wait-- um, you waited tables
Mm-hmm.
And then how long did you do that for?
Um, [exhales] for a long, long time [laughs]. Longer than I’d like to admit.
We all do those kinds of jobs.
Yeah, it was my first job. I was, uh, I started when I was like, fifteen, waiting at a retirement home. It was one of the few jobs you could get in my town if you were fifteen.
Okay. Wh-where was that?
Um, Maryland. Gaithersburg.
Oh, down there, yeah.
It’s Gaithersburg, Maryland.
00:18:35
Okay. So, um… so, you were waiting tables, you kinda changed restaurants. Again, same, transportation. How long was transpor-transportation an issue for you?
Um, [clicks tongue] I didn’t get my first car until... like, ‘06? And that was, that was a whole ‘nother beast. ‘Cause it was not a good car [laughs]. It’s like, one of those beat up cars that you get ‘cause that’s all you can afford. A five hundred dollar, um, ‘91 Chevy Blazer. It looked like a pile of bricks hit it. No, uh, no working speedometer, no working gasket [laughs], no heat, no air conditioning. The-- oh my god-- the thing that keeps your car cold?
00:19:25
The air conditioning?
No no no, the-- where you put antifreeze?
Oh, the radiator?
Yeah, that leaked. That took a lot of antifreeze every frickin’ week [laughs]. It had a crack in it [laughs]. Um, what else? I had to bribe somebody to get it to pass inspection for emissions.
So you did have it registered?
Oh, yeah! It wasn’t, like, illegal or anything. It just, it was about five hundred dollars that I split with my, uh, then-girlfriend and then another good fifteen hundred just to get it, you know, through inspection.
How long did that last on the road?
It lasted a pretty long time actually [laughs]. Two or three, maybe three years?
Lotta money? Did you have to dump a lot of money into it?
Oh! Oh, constantly. There was something wrong with it every month. The only reason I even managed to fix it was because my friend was a mechanic, so I would j-- we would just go to the junkyard, get whatev-- I’d pay for the part, and buy him pizza and a pack of cigarettes and he would fix it for me. That was the only way that car made it two, three years. It was, it was, uh, a miracle [laughs], to say the least. It actually died in the parking lot of my job.
00:20:30
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Clutch wouldn’t-- it wouldn’t get in gear anymore.
[Laughs] And I’ll betcha - I’ll betcha that if you, if you had to figure it out, the gas mileage couldn’t have been all that good.
[Laughs].
Blazer right? So what...
Ten? Twelve to the gallon? Ten maybe? [Laughs] If lucky? Yeah, I would feel like I was melting by the time I got to work if it was summer time. Sometimes it wouldn’t even make it there. Halfway there, it would just overheat and it would just need to sit there, put-- I’d put cold water in there and just, just wait for it to cool down. As, as the, uh, slight aroma of smoke was billowing. Like, “Hey, um, can’t make it to work, gotta give me another thirty minutes.” “What happened?” “Car overheated again.”
They-- they were good about…?
They were okay [laughs].
Okay.
It didn’t happen too often so I got very lucky with that.
You lose any shifts because of it? Or did you actually have days where there was just no way you were getting there because--
A couple times when I got a flat, yeah.
Okay.
‘Cause I didn’t really-- didn’t really have a spare or-- I didn’t really have friends that had cars that could, y’know, get it for me, y’know. Didn’t really have Triple A ‘cause that also cost money. So, I would just be stuck on the side of the road ‘til I got lucky.
Wow.
Yeah.
Um, so, so you... So what happened then if you did lose a shift, I meant that, that, it was just lost money, right?
Oh, yeah. It-- waiting tables you make two thirteen an hour. That covers taxes and nothing else. I had-- I had, uh, I had insurance from there that they give to like, the full-timers, and there were s-- there were several times where I would have to pay money. Pay for my insurance. Like, my, my money on the check wouldn’t cover it. It wouldn’t cover, y’know, taxes and insurance. So I would need to, like, pay extra money out of that.
And then I guess the tips, ‘cause uh, the rules is-
Yeah, it’s all tips.
00:22:10
Yeah, so the tips are supposed to get you up to minimum wage, so you were--
Yeah-- nobody ever does that [laughs].
[Laughs] Okay, that’s, um--
‘Cause they-- most places average it out for the week. So, forty hours divided by what you made in that week. So even if on a shift you do under minimum wage, it averages out. ‘Cause usually, y’know, waiting tables on a, y’know, on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday night, which is the busy nights, you average out about twenty an hour, so it averages out to about fifteen. That’s why fifteen dollars an hour, hourly wage for waiters, nobody really has a problem with it. ‘Cause they’re like, that’s the average of what we usually make anyway, so. But y’know, w-when you’re a waiter, you have to tip out the bussers, the, y’know, food runners in some places and bartenders, so, like, if people stiff you on a bill it kinda-- y’know, there have been times where I paid people to wait on them [laughs].
So, y’know, that’s like, we’ll call it, contingent work. Right?
Yeah.
I mean, you, you worked--
Yeah, you lose a shift that’s, that’s, y’know, if you’re sick on a Friday night… I think I called out once in all my years waiting, maybe twice. And that was because I had, like, a
hundred and three [degree] fever and I was blacking out every two minutes. So, all the others times when you’re not blacking out and you have a fever, you go to work, cause otherwise that’s-- that’s money you’re losing out on.
00:23:25
And how much would a Friday night cost you, if you lost a Friday night?
That’s two hundred dollars.
Wow. Nothing to sneeze at, right there.
Nah.
How much were you making in a week, generally?
Um, on a really good week, ‘bout Christmastime, ‘bout six, seven hundred. Averaged out’ll be about-- average out when it’s not, y’know, Christmastime where people tip really nice, ‘bout five hundred a week.
Okay, so it’s not a terrible wage.
Yeah, it’s-- I lived paycheck to paycheck. I never saved anything. I didn’t save a single cent. The only time-- the only time I managed to save money was after I got divorced because I only had to support myself. [Annotation #2]
Okay.
That was the only way I ever managed to save money. And that was after I was a manager, so… [laughs].
Okay.
I don’t know if I would’ve been able to save money if I was still [laughs] a waiter.
As a waiter, so you were making… if things broke right you were making twenty-five--
Well, twenty an hour. That’s only-- that’s only on a, on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Yeah I know, but then you said, you said that y-you probably were taking in five hundred a week. There’s fifty-two weeks, so if you did that over the course of a year--
Yeah.
Twenty-five thousand a year--
Yeah. Yeah. Minus, y’know, taxes and all, yeah.
Taxes.
Insurance. Yeah, I-I-I broke even. I lived paycheck to paycheck. There wasn’t, there was nothing to save or anything. [Annotation #3]
Which, and what, what, what, what did that leave you with in terms of, y’know, you’re dealing with this car, you’re dealing with-- knowing you lived paycheck to paycheck…
Well my, um, my ex and even, even when we were married, but ex-wife-- she was a, she has a, whatdoyacallit, um, [under his breath] oh my god, what was the name of her illness? ...Well, she’s got lots of, like, mental health issues. And uh, [under his breath] ugh, oh my god. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Which is very rare and very few people treat it and it’s extremely expensive [laughs]. Oh, so expensive, oh my god. Uh, but essentially because of, uh, because she couldn’t really work, and because I supported us and she was really sick, it was just-- there was no way I could-- even on my, even when I was a manager there was nothing, y’know, we could really afford. I was still pretty much living paycheck to paycheck. I’m sorry, I completely got sidetracked. What was your question?
No no no no, I, well-- I was kind of looking at, y’know, you’re, you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
Oh yeah. Absolutely.
What does that mean?
Oh, that’s where I was going. Sorry. I realized-- I was talking about that ‘cause I was-- it was gonna connect back to what you were asking.
Okay.
I-- Because, um, because I was a manager, we-- y’know, we got a real reliable car, which, um, my ex-mother-in-law helped sign for because, y’know, I had no credit history, really, and she had a bad credit history, so we’d need to have a cosigner and, y’know, put money down and all that fun stuff. Which turned into a lot of drama later [laughs] which hopefully we won’t get into.
00:26:01
O-only if, you don’t have to. You t-tell me what you need to tell me.
Yeah. Uh, but essentially because we were paying about, uh, three hundred dollars for insurance, for just health insurance, that was about the same as, um, as y’know how much the car cost. It was about three hundred dollars a month for, uh, y’know, for paying it off. But essentially when I was between, um, between y’know, management positions, before I got promoted, and even sometimes if it was just-I just-- just didn’t make enough, cause it was, y’know, between, um, between, um, waiting tables and management you were usually a shift supervisor, which is hourly, which was about fourteen an hour. But I missed out on a lot of Friday, Saturday nights all those shifts, so during that transition period of about a year, essentially, uh, my income was a negative three hundred dollars a month. So I had to, y’know, borrow money from my in-laws. [Annotation #4]
So that negative three-hundred, which is--
Is, is-- they didn’t loan that to me, yeah. It, it I would’ve-- it was either, “I can pay for your daughter’s insurance or I can pay for my car.”
Okay.
One or the other. It’s just-- three hundred dollars.
00:27:15
Okay. That’s actually, well, it makes it really clear so it-- it wasn’t, you weren’t paying out three hundred for work, but you were working for whatever was coming in…
Mm-hmm. It just wasn’t enough.
It was just three hundred dollars short.
Oh yeah, it was three hundred dollars short. Yeah.
Okay. And that-- that was relatively normal at that time?
Um, I would say yeah. I mean, even if I was just doing the waiting jobs-- all it takes is one bad shift or one bad week and you’re, there’s the three hundred dollars that’s missing. Or one call out. And you’re that far-- y’know, especially if you don’t have any support, you’re that close to just pretty much winding up, y’know, hey, your car just got repossessed cause you didn’t pay it off. Or having the interest go up on your credit-- y’know, slightly a little crappier because you missed a payment. They, you can, you can easily put you on a spiral where it’s just, y’know, one thing after another. [Annotation #5]
What if you had that, that, that, uh, expensive car payment?
Oh, I was screwed. Completely screwed. There’s no way. I would need to borrow money from someone again. I don’t even know who.
00:28:13
Okay. Yeah, so, there’s a limited, I guess a limit of people you can borrow from…
Oh, of course. Cause I, my in-laws and all my friends are just as-- worse off or broke, more broke than I am. And, y’know, I wasn’t really on, on much speaking terms with my parents at that point...
So, um, gonna go back…
Sure.
You, um, what-- what’s the time frame on-- on what we were just talking about, you think?
Um…
[Unclear].
Oh, that failed.
[Laughs].
I-- I was just gonna look up my LinkedIn.
When-- when did you, uh, when did you find yourself homeless?
Um, that was, hold on, let me find the LinkedIn. Makes it a lot easier ‘cause my resume’s on there.
Oh [laughs].
Then I can just tell you exactly when all this stuff happened.
00:29:15
Okay, alright. We’re taping so I just wanna-- although they’re gonna transcribe it and what not.
[To phone] Okay, come on. Go back and find it, Alexander… go to my thing… go to my positions…
Alright, here we go. Uh… yeah, so that was around twenty-twelve.
That’s when you--
Well, yeah-- the-- the transition between server and manag-- the shift supervisor, that was from December 2012 to March 2013.
Okay, so this point you-- so did you work that entire time after you dropped out of college until…?
Yeah. Pretty much.
Okay. So you-- you had a job. It was primarily in the restaurant industry at the time.
Yeah. And then I got promoted to uh, service manager.
00:30:10
Okay. So at this point you still-- you’re still housed, so to speak?
Yeah. Yeah, I uh, yeah, that was uh, my homelessness was actually be-before, when I was still a server, so essentially after I’m-- after I lived in Ocean Grove with my friend, then I didn’t really leave on good terms, just ‘cause we kinda got evicted [laughs]. Yeah, ‘cause there was a fire. And many other things [laughs]. Yeah, it didn’t really end very well. Um, so, I moved with my friend-- another friend of mine to North Carolina. And then I, uh, kinda had some trouble, uh, getting a job ‘cause I didn’t really have working papers. So I was-- I was-- I was a green card holder. But I di-- I was still kinda, y’know, fighting with my parents, so I didn’t really leave on good terms with them. So I think all my document stuff kinda stayed at my parents’ house ‘cause I forgot to bring it with me. So I only brought a copy of my green card. Not the actual green card. [Annotation #6]
Right.
So, essentially, I tried to get a job in North Carolina, at California Pizza Kitchen. Didn’t really work out ‘cause I didn’t really have the papers. You know, I got through training and they were like, bring this stuff oh, bring your stuff in tomorrow, like, oh, my thing that I don’t have. Right. Uh--
00:31:25
So-- and at that point, not being on speaking terms. I mean, getting that--
Yeah, yeah, they did-- they didn’t even know I was out of state, so I didn’t really wanna have that conversation [laughs]. They thought I was somewhere in East Brunswick.
Okay.
Um, so I ended up moving in with a friend of mine that I used to work with down in Florida. So, I-- y’know, he flew me out to Florida, so I stayed with him. And he told me that he could get me papers, but that didn’t really go anywhere. I don’t know what the hell he was tryna get me. Some sort of illegal papers, when I had papers, I just didn’t know how to get them.
Okay.
Um, so I-- I wound up working at a place that was cool with, y’know, I had a photocopy. And I was like, “Oh, okay.” I think eventually I-- yeah, I think they just took the photocopy. They were like, “Okay, that’s fine,” y’know, this works. So I worked down there for a while. ‘Til, uh, things didn’t end very well with m-my friend. So, you know, I caught a flight back to New Jersey and this was in… January ‘07. Uh, so that was, uh, I stayed one-- I told my parents, “Hey, I’m back in town,” and all that, it was like January twenty-fifth I think. So I slept one night over at my parents, my stepdad kinda screamed at me and told me, y’know, “You can sleep one night and get the hell out.” And that’s when I was on the street. [laughs uncomfortably].
00:32:40
Okay... Now why did he say get out? Just cause of, uh--
Uh, apparently he was going through like, recovery for his broken wrist or something, and like, through cancer surgery and stuff, so he wasn’t, like, in the best of moods and he already had anger issues but at that point, like, my mom was like-- later she was like, “You, you should, y’know, I didn’t even know you were homeless. You should have just told me. I would have told him we had to, y’know, keep you in there. Y’know, I didn’t want you to wind up in the street.” And me being the stubborn-headed person that I am, that, that, that I was at that point, I was like, “You know what, screw it, I’ll make it on my own. I don’t need any help.” And I was kinda, my mood at the time was, I would rather be on the street than live in, you know, the same place as he does since he’s clearly still acting like this.
He was the second step--?
Second stepdad, yeah.
Okay. He’s not around anymore, I guess?
No, no. They got divorced, like, s-several years after that I think.
Okay. Um, yeah, so you were working and living on the street.
Well, I didn’t have a job yet.
Oh, this is--
I-I-I just got back. I just got back from-- from, y’know, from, uh, Florida. So I didn’t have a job yet.
So what, how did you, y’know, look, talk about that a little bit...
Well, I um, I slept a lot in the, uh, twenty-four hour Dunkin’ Donuts in Highland Park. So, uh, the owners at night weren’t really cool with that so I would just, you know, get a coffee and get refills, and, and just sit there ‘til [takes deep breath] ‘til the six AM morning crew came in and the owner left. And they were mostly women and they were like, “Oh, you can sleep there, it’s okay, honey.” They were so nice, so I would sleep usually from five am ‘til noon and then go about my day. [Annotation #7] But it was kinda, it was in the winter time so it kinda sucked [laughs]. All I had was this giant, giant bag with, like, every possession I owned in it [laughs]. I think, like, the worst part was just… how gross I felt. Y-you don’t really have, like, anywhere to shower, so you just, y’know, after about a week, you start breaking out in this really weird rash and, yeah. It was just, just finding a place to shower and wa-- do your laundry was like the worst thing ever. [Annotation #8] I ended up usually doing that at my, um, then-girlfriend’s house. So that was very lucky. I didn’t really get to stay there often c-cause her parents were… they didn’t really understand how could, uh, parents kick-- kick their son out, cause they didn-- didn’t really know any of the details. They assumed, y’know, I did something terribly awful, so they didn’t really want me stayin’ at their house either.
Okay.
They figured, how could somebody’s p-parents kick, y’know, their son out when, [exhales] y’know, we would never do that and all that.
Okay.
They’re-- they’re nice people. They didn’t really know any of the de-- y’know, details, I didn’t really get into it [laughs].
Okay, so they were protecting her, I guess...
Yeah. Well, I mean, she still snuck me into the house, so it didn’t really work [laughs]. I slept in the closet, um, behind the bed, in the crawl space next to the insulation. Um, in the treehouse, that was weird [laughs]. Hey, a warm sleeping bag! It was not a very warm tree house.
Wow. Wow.
Um, what other weird places did I sleep in? Oh-- the abandoned factory in New Brunswick before they tore it down.
Which one?
There was-- there was one near, like, uh, towards North Brunswick on [Route] Twenty-seven. There used to be one there. It’s torn down now.
00:35:40
I’m trying to think of which one it would be. But man, that’s…
Yeah. I only slept there, like, once. That was not a good experience. I was poked by another person. I was like, “Oh! Okay, I’m leaving [laughs]. Okay. goodbye.” [Laughs].
So o-other people were kind of--
Yeah. The sun, like, woke me up and I’m like, “Whoa. Why is this person like standing here staring at me? I’m just gonna leave.”
You didn’t go back there after?
No, no. [laughs] No, no. Um, I tried to climb on, like, the roof of one of the, like, factories there near the one that got torn down. I’m very much afraid of heights so I got almost all the way up, looked down, and said, “What if I roll off?” and very slowly went back down. I’m like, “Okay [sighs in relief], back to Dunkin’ Donuts we go.” [Exhales.]
So y-you were just looking f-for any place.
Yeah, pretty much. Any place that was, you know, warmish. It wasn’t very warm.
So, when, y’know, so yeah. You had to, um--
Well this is-- this is before like, smartphones, so I still used to a payphone for everywhere, so y’know, memorized numbers, had to get change, and like, you couldn’t really access a smartphone in order to get info on what to do if you’re homeless? I didn’t really know anything about shelters, I didn’t know there was any sort of help you could get. Any, like, soup kitchens or anything like that. I just thought, “Oh, um, guess I’m out here on, like, y’know, getting help with friends if I can. If not, Dunkin’ Donuts.”
Okay.
So, yeah.
00:37:00
So y-y’know, thin-thinking in terms of criteria. Y’know, here you are, out there and you’re like, okay, wh-what were the kinds of things on your list? That you would have to, you might, I mean. And I mean, in some cases it was, I guess it was just, “Well, here’s a place, I’m just taking it.” But were there aspects of a place that you might look for so that, y’know, safety or whatever?
Um. Well safety’s one thing but since it was wintertime, the one thing I look for is some-- some place that wasn’t freezing. [Annotation #8]
And so the-- your period of homelessness was basically that winter?
Yeah. It was, uh, it was only for about a month and a half, so it was, uh, essentially February and a little bit of March. And the end of January.
Okay, so like, the coldest time of year.
Yeah [exhales]. It was not fun.
So, um--
I think the worst, worst part, um... I walked or I don’t know, I don’t remember how I got there, I walked or took a bus with my friend, uh... I think we walked from Menlo Park Mall to his house in Old Bridge. And he was staying with his uncle and he said, “Hey, you can, y’know, you can crash on the couch.” I’m like, “Oh! Okay, cool.” So we walked there and then his uncle throws a fit and says, no. And I’m like, “Oh, fuck [laughs]. What am I ‘sposed to do?”
So--
So the house next door to them had a giant hole in the top and it was abandoned ‘cause a tree fell on it. So I climbed into through the hole, went to the basement, which I figured was, y’know, warmer. It’s warmer-- ‘cause warm air goes up. I tried to fall asleep for about two hours. No luck, too cold, shivering too much. And then walked my ass down [Route] Eighteen back to New Brunswick [laughs] and Highland Park. Well, y’know, I got warm because I was walking.
00:38:32
That’s a hike! I bet! [laughs].
Oh yeah.
Yeah, you, this was, uh-- yeah-- how much money did you have in your pocket at that time?
Well, uh, when I first got back to Jersey, uh, I had about three hundred dollars from working in Florida. And that quickly whittled down to zero. Just, getting food and… food… and food.
So, what uh, about a month and a half, two months. Were you working at all or not yet?
Um, not really. I mean... I couldn’t really figure out how to go about getting a job when you look so disheveled and not really presentable and kinda… you don’t really have a base of operations. Like, where do you find a job? You don’t know where you’re gonna be the next day. Like, you don’t really have a set schedule. You know, sleeping… I was sleeping during the day when most people would be working. So, you’re not really on-- on peoples’ schedules. So it just-- it’s just too unpredictable. You really need a place where you can consistently-- how am I supposed to find a job when I look like a truck hit me and I smell like a dumpster hit me? You-- you don’t really have a place to get clean clothes, even presentable clothes. Or, you know, to shower so it’s-- [exhales]-- it’s kind of impossible. The only reason I was finally able to get a job was because I ran into somebody my ex-- uh, knew, at a, uh, Denny’s and she was apparently friends with this kid’s father. And they were, y’know, Section Eight, lots and lotsa kids, living in kind of a crappy house, but they, y’know, they wer-weren’t-- they were pretty-- pretty nice, so they let me stay in, on the top bunk bed of their teenage son’s room [laughs] for about three hundred bucks a month, which was their rent. So I-I kinda paid for their rent [laughs]. It gave me-- it gave me a place to shower and do laundry [laughs]. And sleep! That wasn’t outside!
00:40:35
Theyre’-- they’re-- they were Section Eight...
Yeah.
...so they technically weren’t supposed to be doing that.
Oh, hell no. It-- they were nice for letting me stay there, so, y’know, it let me, y’know, it let me have a base of operations to, y’know, rebuild all my stuff and actually be able to save money. ‘Cause even though I was paying them three hundred a month, that means two hundred bucks I can save.
Okay.
Or so. Around there. Uh, I think before that though I did, um, what was it, I did stay with a-another friend of my ex. But, that was not a good experience. ‘Cause he was a crackhead who wanted his rent paid in crack. So I wound up going into a severe drug addiction, and eventually I was like, both me and my girlfriend said, “This is terrible for both of us, screw this, we’d rather be back on the street,” and just left. And that’s when I ran into my other friend who let me stay with him, ‘cause she still can s-stay with her parents.
00:41:28
Okay.
S-so that was, that was awful [laughs].
Well cause y-y-you had talked about substance use earlier on--
Mm-hmm.
Was that something that was a regular thing for a while or...?
Um… yeah. I-I was kinda a pothead when I could get it. The same way that people-- alc-alcoholics drink everyday, just to, y’know, get rid of their pain and kind of forget things and not really deal with what’s really going on-- same thing, just, y’know, I just didn’t like hangovers.
[Laughs].
That was literally the only difference for the reason I chose the other thing.
Okay.
I still-- Yeah I still drank when I couldn’t get pot. Like, I remember, y’know, I went through PTI probation for about a year and I just drank for a year pretty much [laughs].
Okay.
Yeah.
The-- so, y’know, the subst-- and then, here you are, I mean, would you say before that that you had a problem with substances?
Yeah, I just didn’t realize it at the time. I didn’t really, y’know, the haze of, uh, substances doesn’t really make you, y’know, too introspective.
Were you self medicating?
Oh-- definitely.
You said you were, uh, undiagnosed ADHD, right?
Mm-hmm.
Um, was there, were there other diagnoses that you…?
Um.
You know, people who are bipolar, and…
Eh, I guess I’m a little, I have a little bit of anxi…[whispering] why is this now… Okay, sorry I’m highlighting things to send to myself on Drive. I gave up on trying to… [whispering]...figure out how to upload it… save…
00:43:00
Okay, so you were saying, others are undiagnosed?
Um, I don’t think so. I mean I get-- I get a little anxious sometimes but it’s just-- I don’t think-- I don’t think it’s enough to, uh, be a diagnosis of some sort. But I do know ADHD runs in my family. And they don’t really do, uh, mental illness in Russia [laughs]. Yeah, they just pretend it doesn’t exist. Just like the gays.
They don’t exist either, right? Yeah [laughs].
Nope! [laughs] We don’t know what those guys are protesting.
So when you’re, um, when you’re dealing with, y’know, ADHD would’ve interfered with school…
Mm-hmm.
And what other kinds of issues do you think it, uh, it caused you?
Oh, well, Uh. Definitely some anger issues. Just, and even now I kinda, forgot to get my refill so I’m kinda space-y [laughs]. Um, coffee doesn’t really work on me either. So. Just kinda drink it for the taste. Cause I-I, uh, used to commute a lot. About forty-five minutes each way for work so I would-- I had a lot of close calls with highway fatigue and almost falling asleep at the wheel. It’s kinda terrifying. Um, but I don’t really think there’s any more diagnoses.
Okay. But I mean the-- even the ones that, you know, I mean the ADHD, it contributes to-- undiagnosed, it can contribute to behavioral problems, maybe?
Oh, definitely! I mean, the reason-- the reason I eventually did get diagnosed is because it, um, and I guess I didn’t really look at all the other instances that this happened at the time, was just because, um, because you’re-- you’re, y’know, your brain is going faster than your mind can kinda keep up. You’re just, you’ll kinda blurt out thoughts without really thinking. So I got in trouble at work a couple times because of that. And you know, it led to something I would never, y’know, actually be responsible for, y’know, actually do if I really thought about. So essentially, y’know, it was like this was interfering with my work and, y’know, make-- y’know, making me into a person that I don’t really wanna be. And I didn’t really-- really realize that it got that bad. And, uh, I mean, partially I think it was because I stopped using substances that it really, y’know, came to the forefront. Although I never really did that at work, so [exhales].
Well, you did it when you weren’t working...
Oh yeah, I mean it was just, literally um, just you know, when I wasn’t at work. Or when I had to drive somewhere.
Okay. So you really--
I made my ex drive me everywhere.
00:45:45
So you were responsible in terms of that part.
Yeah, I just made my ex drive me everywhere.
Was it the experience with the crackhead that finally made you give up all the substances?
Oh no, no. I still smoked pot all the time after that. And that I relapsed a couple times too.
Okay. Cause it’s hard--
Oh it is, it is. The only reason I was ever able to stop doing all this stuff-- please don’t make pot legal-- was because I couldn’t get it. And I’m a lazy person by nature [laughs]. So if I have to do more than drive somewhere and call somebody, I’m not gonna do it. So I essentially eliminated all the people I knew that could get me anything, y’know, and the people I lived with that did that kinda stuff.
00:46:37
Okay. And once that was out of your life, did that kinda make a big difference in kinda getting your feet back under you?
Oh, definitely. I mean, that was part of the reason I got divorced. Don’t get married for insurance reasons only.
[Laughs].
Even though we were together for, like eight, nine years, but it just, um, one of the reasons that we did get divorced was because of her substance abuse. Because, um, she was bringing in, y’know, the substances that I had a really big problem with into the house. And I was like, y’know, “I told you hundreds of times not to, like, even bring this stuff near me. Not to even-- the pot, y’know, don’t bring any of the stuff near me.” And she just kept doing it and eventually I even, I even tested her and I like, “Don’t ever-- no matter what I tell you, do not give me any of this stuff.” And like, two weeks later I’m like, you know, obviously having some sort of craving and I’m like, “You actually got it for--? Like, why? Why? Addict Alex wants it but sober Alex doesn’t! The one that’s trying to improve and change doesn’t want this stuff!” And it just, it just, I couldn’t do it anymore. I was like, “I’m sorry but....” Y’know, I told my roommates, I was like, “I’m sorry but, I have to tell you, she’s bringing that stuff into the house and I just can’t deal with it anymore, can you please change the locks? Just-- I can’t do it anymore.”
00:48:00
Well that just, you know, that raises a question about, not just intent of her, but y’know, maybe others. Do you think when you’re in that environment that, y’know, if you were trying to get yourself clean if others might be sabotaging you?
Yeah, I mean, if you’re trying to get yourself clean that’s why you have to look out who you’re friends with and, y’know, don’t really... [whispers] why the hell is this not uploading? Waiting for WiFi network. I am on WiFi network. What is wrong with you, Google?
Well if it’s, uh, photos it may take a little while.
Oh no, it’s uploading, it’s just, uh, it’s just being stupid.
So, um, yeah so you said, there’s always that potential for the people around you to sabotage you cause they’re going through--
Yeah. I mean I’ve had lots of friends who are also addicts. I mean, two of my best friends went through heroin addiction and I mean [knocks wood] hopefully not still going through but I mean, you know…
00:49:00
You don’t still talk to them?
I try to keep up with them, think he’s okay, but any time I think he’s okay he winds up relapsing later. I mean he’s-- he gave himself Hep-C by using dirty needles. Yeah. Um. I just-- I just always just hope I don’t, uh, hear about him OD’ing. He was, okay, he likes to pretend he’s a “vagabond” that travels on the, you know, train tracks, instead of the homeless idiot who’s a drug addict. So we’ll just, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt [laughs].
Okay. Okay that’s fair. So you, um, let’s go back. You mentioned a few times your ex-wife. You’ve mentioned a few different girlfriends.
It was the same girlfriend. Before we were married.
Same girlfriend. Okay. So you were married-- when was that?
Um…. Oh-Four, Wait, no. Fourteen.
Okay.
I was a decade off [laughs].
Fourteen, so how old were you at that point?
Um, fourteen, hmm. Twenty-eight?
00:50:25
Okay. So you weren’t like tremendously young when you got married.
No.
And you were with her a little while before that?
Yeah. Uh, we met uh, maybe like, three days after I got back to Jersey and I was homeless.
Okay.
In Rahway. I asked her for a cigarette.
Okay. Was she homeless too or no?
No, she lived with her parents. But she was, um, she was a-a heroin addict who was also a, hmm, hope she doesn’t kill me for this--
You don’t have to use her name, so...
Okay, who was also a, um...call girl?
Okay.
Right? Do you understand what that..?
Yeah. Prostitute, call girl, whatever.
Well, call girl was a little more [laughs].
Higher class?
Very slightly [laughs].
00:51:12
[Laughs] Okay. So you-- so you were with her and, so how long were you married?
Uh, just two years, ‘cause we got married for insurance reasons cause she got dropped from her parents’ so...
Oh okay.
It was just so she could be on mine ‘cause of her, y’know, various health issues.
And how did you get insurance at that point?
Uh, I was a manager at that point so I was able to--
Oh. so you had come back to New Jersey and you had done all these restaurants, so you worked your way up and you were managing.
Yeah, and I, yeah I became-- [unclear].
How much were you making as a manager?
‘Bout twenty-two an hour? Twenty-one, twenty-two an hour. But, and this is a big but, like forty-four grand when I first started and then forty-six when I was at Panera Bread. But because she had so many health issues and we have like, y’know, expensive insurance, after you take all the insurance out it comes up to about twenty-nine. [Annotation #4]
Wow. So that’s just, that’s just the insurance to get two people insured--
Yup. Yup. So that forty - that forty-six becomes twenty-nine.
Alright. And where were you living at the time?
Um, I was living in, um, after I got promoted right? Cause I moved around a lot.
00:52:25
We’ll come back to that. But like the mana-- that was your highest job, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Restaurant manager.
Yeah, so restaurant manager. You were making forty-four, you were paid--
Yeah they, they sent me out-- they sent me out a whole bunch of different places. So I was still, it was still the same company, Macaroni Grill. So they sent me a couple places when I was a shift super and they sent me, um, I was a manager in Princeton. And then I, uh, I lived in Jersey at the time. And I moved down to, um, PA ‘cause it was closer. And then I wounded up working at a, uh, Macaroni Grill, in oh my god, where was it? In Wilmington, Delaware, so I ended up moving to Delaware.
Okay. She still with you?
Yeah.
Okay, then something-- and you kind of bounced around a little bit...
Yeah. Then I stayed in Delaware for a little while.
Okay. But when you were in, like in Jersey, when you were a manager in Jersey?
Mm-hmm.
Again, you’re paying like fifteen-thousand dollars-- that was insurance and out of pocket costs?
Oh yeah, yeah-- there was, there was still out of pocket. It was about, uh, three hundred dollars a month.
Oh so wait, you were paying through your insurance, they didn’t just give it to you.
Oh no. So because-- because our, uh, expenses were so high we had one of those, uh, you know, we pay into it and then use the card type of things because it saves you money, you know, before taxes and stuff.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But even, you remember how I said it was negative three hundred dollars because we were in transition before I became a manager? Even after I was a manager, I ended up moving out of my house in PA into a different house, you know, like, in the Boondocks because it was cheaper, mostly because it was the heating-- the heating wouldn’t make us go in the red. And when the people upstairs moved out since we no longer got, you know, secondary heat or A/C from them, our heating bill went sky-high, like in the three hundred dollars crazy things like that.
Okay.
And when Sandy came through I had no power for two days. So the house got really cold and then it had to use a lot of power to get really hot. So my electric bill became like five, six hundred dollars, and then another four hundred dollars, and again I had to borrow money from my in-laws to cause I was in the red. Even though I was able to, you know, I mean, yeah, even though I was able to pay for insurance and the car and everything else, unless I borrowed money from them I wouldn’t have been able to, you know, rent because I was paying the electric bill.
00:55:00
Okay. And that was now-- now you’re still in PA at this point?
Yeah.
And you moved-- you were working in Jersey?
Yeah.
And you specifically moved to be closer and also…?
‘Cause it was cheaper [laughs]. Princeton? No way! [Laughs] Living in Princeton-- you’re crazy.
So, you, you, you were struggling even though you were, you know, in a cheaper place.
Well yeah, it was still-- it was still expensive. Ended up again living somewhere where I wasn’t, you know, wasn’t officially on the lease. In the middle of the Boondocks with some goats on the property. They were adorable. My wife was gon--
So, so, you guys kept your insurance? You know when you change states?
Oh, not really. It was still-- it was still kinda okay.
Okay. So you’re in Delaware, and then you came back up. At the time when you’re a manager what kinda car were you driving? Is it that same Blazer?
Oh no, I had to, I got, I got the, uh, that’s why we got the loan, so we could uh... [whispers] what the hell, how do I… oh, I don’t know how to use this. I don’t know how to unzip things.
00:56:25
You, um, so this car that you had was better?
Yeah.
So you were paying the monthly and the insurance so you didn’t have to worry so much about the repairs.
Yeah, that was the good thing about that.
So, you’re making a little bit more money but then that allows you to spend a little more on the car?
Mm-hmm.
Which saved you on some level. You know, is that fair?
Yeah, I’d say so.
So let’s kinda bring it back, bring it to now. So you’re a student now.
Mm-hmm
You’re working? Where are you working?
Uh, right now I’m working at Home News Tribune slash Courier News slash MyCentralJersey dot com. Part time.
Part time as an intern?
Uh, I was part time as an intern, like over the summer for about two months, and then on Monday I became part time, so I’ll be working part time about twenty hours a week until the end of the year.
Okay.
As a staff writer.
00:57:30
That’s not bad.
Yup.
How much are you earning at this point? Are you able to survive?
Oh, I live with my mom. That’s the only way I can survive [laughs].
Yeah, twenty hours a week and you’re going full time here. When do you finish here?
Uh, December.
And then what’s the plan?
Uh, hopefully, transfer to Rutgers.
And what are you gonna major in?
Uh, journalism.
00:58:00
Have you applied yet?
Uh, no, I’m working on my essays. I don’t think their application is open right now anyway.
So you’re looking at taking a semester off then?
No, I was gonna transfer in the spring.
Trying to get in in the spring, okay, okay. So um, have you anticipated what that’s going to mean? I mean the difference between what Rutgers costs and what this place costs.
Uh yeah, um, I’m lucky, I mean, my mom gets tuition remission from her job at Rutgers AAP. So hopefully we’ll get some money back from that and I’m hoping to get a transfer scholarship [knocks wood].
Is there a possibility-- I mean, you’re in this kind of, financial situation…
Oh yeah, my financial situation is weird. I was finally able to get financial aid just this year. For this semester.
Why couldn’t you get it before?
Uh, because I, as the Financial Aid office so cynically put it, because I voluntarily quit my job. And because the wonderful federal government changed the, um, income guidelines for federal state aid. So essentially when I-- because I started going here in twenty-sixteen, and I used the income from twenty-fifteen. So I was manager, too much money to get anything. And then I was paying out of state ‘cause I just moved [laughs] so it sucked. That first year was terrible. If it wasn’t for my mom, I wouldn’t have been able to afford it.
Yeah and that’s you know, so when you started in twenty-sixteen what were you, thirty? Thirty-one?
Yeah, thirty-one.
So here you are a thirty-year-old and you have to rely on your mother.
Yup. I live on the couch, so.
At least that’s a change, at there’s more, um, a safety net for you--
Yup. And then, uh, the next year was the same thing. They changed the guidelines so even though you’re applying for the next year, it’s still using twenty-fifteen data.
Ouch.
01:00:00
Yup. So that’s why, why I couldn’t use it. Because I quit voluntarily. And that was, that was because I applied to have them use-- use different year’s data, you know like an appeal, a special financial situation. But apparently it’s not special enough. You know, you have to get fired or something crazy like that.
Working full time as a manager and going to school full time would have been…
Impossible. Fifty-five hours a week. You get paid for forty. Don’t become a manager.
Oh so you’re working fifty-five hours and getting paid for forty?
It’s impossible. Uh, I-I commuted forty-five minutes each way. There’s no way. And some-- your, your schedule’s unpredictable. When I worked at Panera Bread like, it’s unpredictable, you know, some mornings. You know, it’s also really bad for you ‘cause of four am. Sleep. So some mornings, you know, you come in at five in the morning to open the cafe. And some mornings you... I don’t remember what the shifts were. But you come in at seven, like nine. And then you’d wor-- you’d, uh, leave at seven. So nine to seven, it’s ten hour shifts or so. So you’d leave at seven. And then the next morning you might need to open the shift. So then I’d wake up at three-thirty in the morning. So I’d literally just go home, go to sleep, wake up and go back to work. [Annotation #9]
01:01:16
Wow. And so that’s--
Yeah, and I mean, I was getting divorced. So I’d do all the usual home stuff, you know, my ex would do, so there was literally no time for anything else. I went to the gym that was it, that was the free time I had. I’d go to the gym, play with my cat a little-- little bit.
How important is the gym for keeping you--
I mean, it’s really, it’s really good for you. Gives you good chemicals--
I mean, more for you.
Oh! Yeah, it’s motivating. It’s difficult to motivate myself to go to the gym sometimes.
People would say, you can save money there, but he has mental health issues and the gym helps him to manage those issues that the has.
Mm-hmm.
So if he had to give that up…
Yeah. I mean, right now I’m really lucky ‘cause there’s a gym in my building. But if I had to give that up, I’d probably, what’s the, what’s the really cheap one-- Planet Fitness. For the ten bucks a month. I think everybody goes there.
So you have access right now and you’re not going because you’re-- you’re--
Because I live on the couch [laughs].
So that, let’s talk about that.
They were actually very nice. I’m surprised they let us do that. I mean, it’s a one bedroom. They could’ve been dicks about it and been like, “No, you need to-- you need to upgrade to a two bedroom.” Which is, God knows how much.
On some level would you consider yourself as couch surfing at this point even though you’re in one place?
It is a couch, yeah.
It’s not a-- a permanent situation.
Um, while I’m going to school it is ‘cause I can’t afford anything else.
Do you contribute anything to the house?
I mean, I try to help. I mean I don’t really make enough money. But my mom says she doesn’t really want me to make enough money, I mean too much money, because that means I would get less financial aid, so.
Is she calculated in? Is her income calculated in or no?
Uh, no. Because I’m an older student so I’m in-independent.
01:03:25
So technically you’re independent, so she doesn’t claim you as a dependent on taxes or anything else cause you’re--
Nope.
Too old for that.
Mm-hmm.
But you’re kind of her, you know...
Her prerogative, yeah.
So if you fight with her, there’s no guarantees.
Yeah. How did you know we’re fighting right now? [Laughs].
I did-- I didn’t know this!
I’m kinda stressed out.
So the idea of stability--
Yeah, I’m only-- I only have stability cause she’s super nice and awesome. And terrific and the best mom ever. I love you. Don’t kick me out please. I’m sorry if I piss you off.
[Laughs] You’re joking but that really is--
Yeah, my-- my mental health issues don’t really help, cause we do fight a lot, so. That sucks.
You know, if you were sixteen and having the same fights--
We did have the same fights [laughs].
01:04:30
But you were kind of at home at that point, right?
Yeah.
But when you’re, what did you say, thirty-two?
Yeah.
It’s a-a completely different situation.
Yeah.
So, how are things now? I mean not just as home but. So you’re working twenty hours a week. And you said this is an intern, is this a paid internship?
Yeah. Yeah ten dollars an hour, so.
There’s a lot--
It’s better than a non-paid internship, so.
There’s a lot of unpaid internships out there. And they gave you a paid internship coming out of community college so that is--
Yeah. The other intern didn’t stay on.
[Laughs].
And she’s not out of county college either.
They’re tough, internships.
01:05:15
I’ll tell you, um, the one thing that, uh, set me apart from the other intern…
You can shoot.
Oh yeah. Uh, I’m one of the few people with, like, a nice DSLR in my office.
There’s, um, and once we’re done I can kinda give you some, uh, info on that stuff. But, so you’re-- you know, you pay your own car insurance, obviously… you have to pay...
Mmm… this time I did. My mom was still helping me with that stuff, but I’m tryna contribute more now that I’ve gotten some better financial aid.
Okay. But, and we were talking before about, you know, how do you save money? What’s the cushion, you know, what happens if uh, an emergency occurs. And she’s kinda the cushion-- she’s kinda the emergency.
Yeah. Without that I don’t really have any-- any like savings or anything like that. I had some in, like, in things I can’t touch ‘til I’m retired [laughs], but, like, that’s not emergency money. I don’t really, I don’t really have a savings account. [Annotation #10]
Okay. Yeah, so, again you’re in that same boat so if the car breaks down you’re…
Yeah. I just need to stop buying lenses and maybe I’ll have a little cushion [laughs].
But the lenses are helping you keep the job.
Yeah, I know [laughs]. That, that balance you’re trying to do.
So, you know, if you, uh, if you’re serious about what you wanna do later--
Mm-hmm.
There’s an investment, right?
Yeah. I mean, everything-- everything costs money, this transcribing thing costs money. Getting a nice portfolio website costs money. Zoom, [unclear] and a quarter costs money-- everything costs money. [Annotation #3]
01:07:0
And so, I mean, in order for you to, um-- the only way you are able to kinda make these steps forwards that you’re making--
--Is because my mother’s helping me. Other-- otherwise there’s no way I woulda been able to do any of this. I mean, I would have… I don’t even know. ‘Cause... I-- since they use twenty-fifteen data for two years, I woulda had to… I… what would I have done for two years? You can’t make too much money. So you can’t save money for school, ‘cause then you won’t get financial aid. So you either have to keep working and then try to save money to go to school-- I was still able to save some money when I was a manager, so I guess I could have done that. But I woulda had to do that and then quit my job and then go back to school, because otherwise, you know. You can’t do both. M-maybe you can take one class a semester [laughs] online. That-- that’ll take you many, many, many years. Yeah, the only way I woulda been able to do it was like, if I lived, like, super extremely frugally, and, you know, near my job at a really cheap place and then worked there for many years to be able to save up money and that’s-- that’s literally the only way. There’s, there was really no way to do it. And if I-- if I didn’t work so, you know, so I would be able to, you know, have it where I get financial aid, where I would have lived for that-- the years I didn’t work? And what would I have lived on? [laughs]. [Annotation #11]
01:08:30
So what you’re saying-- I don’t want to put words in your mouth--
No, yeah, yeah.
--is you couldn’t have gone to school if you kept that job, so if you kept that job what-- what...
I would have eventually been able to go to school ‘cause I would have saved some money, but… it woulda taken me years and years. I don’t know, I’m trying to think. Um.
What kinda job, I mean, you know, kept you in that position. What would have been the next job up?
Um, hopefully, um, General Manager of a store. But, you know, you’re still working same amount of hours it’s just when the shit hits the fan, it’s your ass on a [laughs].
Okay. Well, you’re kinda, I mean, kinda feel like you were-- this is where you were. In terms of the opportunity to move in different directions or change.
Well, as far as, as far as change. Um, the re-- the reason I went back to school was because I was diagnosed with the ADHD so I thought maybe, maybe this was why flunked out. Maybe, you know, maybe I can go to school. ‘Cause, you know, working at restaurants is not my passion. That just paid the bills. And I, you know, I got promoted so I figured just screw it, I’ll stick with it and, you know, I’ll be able to, you know, get some money. But, you know, as you get older, um, you know, you kinda get-- start worrying about retirement and all that stuff. So, you know, I-- it wasn’t really a fulfilling job, like, you know, the-- the one thing that made me realize that was because even as a manager, you don’t get sick days off. There’s no such thing as a sick day. There’s a paid I think week off for the entire, you know, one year. Sure, you get one paid week off, enjoy that. And most, most managers spend it working and just get an extra paycheck [laughs]. That’s what I did. I think. I can’t remember. But the one thing that really kinda showed me that this was not the industry I wanted to stay in was, uh, I had, um, nose surgery to fix my deviated septum. And then, you know, the first day, you know, you’ve got to like lie there and blood, you know, gushing out of your nose. And then like, a day and a half later I had to go to work. And I had to go to the bathroom every forty-five minutes to drain blood out of my nose.
01:10:42
So you still have the, the bandages and--
Well, no, the bandages were gone. But I still had to, I still had to get blood out of my nose every forty-five minutes or so. Otherwise it would leak.
So you’re there and--
It’s terrible.
Did you interact with the customers at that point?
Oh yeah, I was on the cash register!
Did you look like you were--
I didn’t look like I was all there. I mean, I had, um, I had a upper respiratory infection for about a month and a half and I had to come into work. And that was coughing fits every five minutes. And I lost my voice several times. Oh my god.
How did the customers take that?
They were like, oh my god, are you okay? [Imitates voice-less self].
[Laughs].
It sounded exactly like that. Oh god, it’s two twenty-two. Okay.
So, um, what else you wanna say? Anything else you wanna add?
Um. Let me think. Um.
01:11:40
You know, in terms of describing um, the issues that you would face, you know, that you face when you were, um, basically working on what would be kind of a sustainable-- barely sustainable from a survival budget? You know, in those jobs you had.
Mmm.
Or even now. Cause you’re still-- I mean, on some level you’re still doing that, right?
Mmm. Um. Hmm. [drums fingers] Just that, I don’t even know, even now that-- even, you know, today, that I know there’s tools to get help if I wind up homeless or things like that. Even though I know there are tools out there to help me, it’s-- it’s still extremely difficult to get back on your feet. Like, especially ‘cause-- ‘cause you really need a base of operations. If you don’t really have anybody and you don’t really have any savings, you can’t really get anywhere. Like, if I was homeless now, sure I could be, you know, sure I could go to a shelter, go to a soup kitchen, you know, have a place to stay, you know, maybe get some interview clothes. But… do they have showers at shelters or no?
01:12:52
Trying to think of the ones that I visit. Um, yes, I think so. Many of them do.
Oh okay. See, that would kinda help with the-- the base of operations. But, it, it, it. I mean, it, it wouldn’t feel like home to me. So even though you might have a base of operations, especially the... ‘cause I know the men’s shelters in Highland Park-- not Highland Park, sorry. New Brunswick. Even if, especially when it gets, like colder, they fill up quick. So even though you might think you have a place to stay, you still, like, it’s not guaranteed. And if you don’t have a guaranteed place to stay it’s almost impossible to hold down a job.
01:13:30
So, stability is important.
Yeah. I mean, if you look like you’re homeless, you’re dragging an entire giant bag with you to an interview, people are gonna judge you no matter how terrible that might be. And I mean a lot, a lot of applications will ask you-- do you have reliable transportation to get to and from work to your shifts? And a lot of people will-- that are homeless-- will say no. Or, use public transportation, you know, will just lie and say sure, and just hope, you know, the bus goes there. Uh, you know, New Jersey Transit doesn’t really have, uh, great out times at night. Like, you’re trying to get home somewhere and from, from my experience in the restaurant business, some places closes at like two in the morning. Applebee’s closes at two am. If you’re closing the restaurant, if you’re the only other waiter closing the restaurant with the bartender and, you know, the other waiter, uh, you’re getting out at three in the morning [laughs]. Bars aren’t even open that late! Nobody else is out that late.
And buses aren’t running?
Oh hell no, they stop at like eleven. When I was in Ocean Grove at like nine fifty i think was the last bus. Or, like, or ten, ten fifty. Yeah. Nine or ten fifty was the last bus to take me home. After that I had to, like, because some of the other closers live, you know, a couple blocks away from me.
Does, does reliance on public transportation-- when you had to rely on public transportation, does that kinda limit where you have to live and work?
Oh, of course. Mm-hmm.
How?
Mm, not everything is near a public transportation route. Some places are further away and, like, the further-- I, like, noticed-- the further away it is from public transportation, the cheaper it tends to be. Cause you’re not really anything, near anything major, and so nobody wants to live there [laughs]. [Annotation #12]
01:15:11
Okay. Whereas you say, the more, uh, expensive housing is…
Oh, of course.
They don’t need the public transportation.
Yup.
Um, mmm. I’m tryna think of what else, what we didn’t talk about. Um. Yeah. I don’t think I have anything else at the moment. It doesn’t mean we wouldn’t wanna kinda revisit some of this stuff when I look at the transcript.
Yeah.
Um, but I think, uh...
[Computer sound] I don’t know what that does.
I think we’re okay.
Yeah, Awesome!
So, thank you very much.
You got it.